hidden story

When I was young, I remember that my father has a rug,
It was quite a big piece of it, beige-ish, with green and black pattern.
I do not have much memory with that rug.

Lately I am planning to re furnish my room,
trying to remove the King size bed my parents got it when they first get married.
The mattress was badly wet last few months as the burglar broke the roof and follow by the downpour next day.
So I was thinking to get a rug or nice carpet to fill the long un expose area under the bed.
Past Wednesday, I went to IKEA with Cher Ru, wanting to check out the prices for the furniture and rug.
Oh My God the rug was so dear that I can in fact get a queen size mattress,
suddenly this old piece of my dad's rug flash through my mind.

After I went home, I tried to search in to the cabinet, and can't seems to locate the rug.
I ask mummy, she can't really remember either we gave it to Auntie Lyna (dad's sis) or whoever and in the end like its given to some else. But its definitely not at home now.

I called grandma today, hoping to track the long lost rug. Mama said its not at their home.

I call Rachel, and Rachel barely can recall, but she was saying something like it was abandon in the old house in Bidor or was thrown some where...

I email Auntie Lyna,

姑姐，

Do you remember that my dad has a rug like beige and green color one?


欣

• Ya ., Where is it now?

Maybe throw already, haih...
U still remember that ka?
When did he bought it?

• Hand made from his ex girlfriend

sure boh, that one quite big a piece wei..

• why throw it away it took 1 year to finish and I am the designer

My heart felt a little tear when I read this, and it's shrinking smaller and smaller...
I hope I can find back this piece of His-Story.

trace
=DeN=

Oxford Mini Thesaurus

Don v. put on, get dressed in, dress(yourself) in, get into, slip into/ on, change into

When u feel like making people's day misarable

I am not really sure, but again I am quite certain,

They are people here just to make your day grey.

Ever since I work in a call center,

I am trained to be numb with all the emotions one should have,

When they shoot you with swear word,

They yell at you

Or

They claimed that you yell at them

You being threaten

You have caller crying and shouting in the other end.

You are just be fine tuned

To be better in this place

w/out empathy

=DeN=

My first attempt

Early morning at 7sm, I am at my workstation attempting to post an entry from here.
I have never use this tool to post blog by email.
Blogger might have been that thoughtful, for people like me who actually have limited access to the internet as the proxy setting here in the office.

I am here for about 4 months to come, still never intent to break the rule, well, intent is not so right,
Perhaps I should use the word successfully break.
Anyway…
Let's see if this work…

Pretender

I think I just turn down a job of the marketing research company.
As the reason given I will not be able to commit entirely if I wanted to continue my life as an interpreter.
The key word here is "IF".
I still can recall the other day when I quote Sam saying
" 在这行，你不需要名片，越是有名片，臭名传得越快"
So then I did said
" I realize, me always delaying my plan to print name card suddenly became a blessed thing.
Guess I can't stay here that long, I have to let go before I risk my reputation in this field."
After that few days, I have been doing a few groups, turn out to be that I am still doing fine.
Is just that I do not have faith in myself, not anymore, not even before.
I am constantly doubt with my ability.

I am just trying to gather some opinion here,
Don't you think so who ever is good in what ever field, ya they might be really good and qualified in that area, at the same time they are as well...
Oh..oh...oh...oh...Ooh...Yes, I am a Great Pretender...

Like me, I am probably good but not the best (not as good as Sam), I'm just good at pretending that I am good, I won some of the client trust, but how long can this be real?
Vain...vain..vain...

Some of the researcher told me, they dig their fucking head into the designing of the questionnaire, preparing for or IHV or FGD, recruitment of respondent, liaise with client and people like me that some time screw them up, compile and analyze the feedback, finalize with report writing (best part), and what the so call DIRECTOR do, is to present the outcome to the client, by all the bluffy,fluffy, flowery words...They are not even there at the FGD, ass hole kan...

So, this is life...
Never stop to strive to become a good pretender.

LoVe ur Job
=DeN=

Funeral

Have you ever been planing yours?
I was out with CheRu and Sandra last night,
instead of planning our wedding, CheR and I were actually visualizing our funeral.

She wants a happy funeral, music play from her ipod, including Coldplay Yellow.
White roses, white coffin (not necessarily to be dear),
and she demands for alcohol. ( don't talk to alcoholic)

Ya, mine as well in the other hand, doesn't really matter the color of my coffin,
flower to me is kinda a vain, but yeah for a function like this, you should at least get me some nice white lily, even jasmine will be good, I like the fragrance (while fresh).
what I am looking forward will be the content of D day.
If possible play some jazz,
I want all the people I care and care about me there...
Get together and talk about me...
Tell the rest about how am I am to you...
I make CheRu in my list if we'll still be close for the next 10 fine years...
Jasmine is totally can't run from this...
I think Chang Chew will have a lot of thing to tell...( my hair style evolution )
In fact, you may register your name here.
Let me know what will you remember me the most...
What will you miss the most out of me...my laughter...I know...
Share with me, all the delightful moment I might has forgotten...
I will be sitting at the corner, listening and enjoying all this flash back...

looking forward pulak
=DeN=

Disturbed

I understand the ground of me not to add everyone who requested to befriended Facebook is actually a wise move, its a mutual thing.
Not only I do not want to get involve too much in your life and vice verse.
I am afraid I know you too much and too transparent to me and vice verse.

I am really disturb emotionally...
I am too coward to get to know one further...
I always got the wrong one...

not even to take the 1st step
=DeN=

truth

Truth is always ugly and hurtful.
Changes as well, I don't know why I always relate changes to something negative.
Which should not be.
I will be most sad if I see someone change as he or she force too...
They weren't that calculative before...
They weren't that protective before...
or
This was not what I thought he or she is...
ya...
Suddenly I hope everything remain unknown to me...
Do not ever reveal this evil side of the world to me...
I really rather die in beautiful lies...
I am too fragile to take all the facts...
Like the kissing fish is in FACTs fighting when they kiss...
wtf, can't they just keep this to themselves...
Shallow...you can say so...
or unable to take the stress of the reality...
yes whatever you may claim...
my objective is to live a happy life...
That's all,
Do not flood me with truth that is not pleasant to ear, eyes, health and mind...

Over the blast of a new entry...wow!
=DeN=